


here in my kingdom

by kiiouex



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Blood, Body Horror, Other, POV Second Person, Possession, Self-Mutilation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 11:25:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5414999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiiouex/pseuds/kiiouex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ford escaped Bill with a metal plate in his head. But he left, and Bill didn't, and there's no one left to help Dipper strengthen his mind. </p><p>He'll need to do it himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	here in my kingdom

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this months ago as stress relief when I was job hunting, and only rediscovered it this weekend! :V 
> 
> I think I was struggling to come up with a coherent story for this idea, and then I played the Mind Electric on repeat a bunch of times and came out with this. Hope you like it, mind the tags, thanks to [telekinesiskid](http://archiveofourown.org/users/telekinesiskid) for beta-ing, as usual.

He’s there the day after Ford leaves, hot and bright and burning you from the inside out. He tells you he needs a vessel, he tells you it’s going to be you, and he fills your whole head with chaos and noise. Crackling static, too much light, too much dark, oscillating sensations that throw you off balance. There’s an ache under your teeth, and an echo of him clanging around inside your head.

Just say the word and he’ll make it stop. You won’t; your mind is your own, you will endure, you will hold on to what you have however it takes. Your mind is your own, you won’t give in to him. Ford survived. You’ll survive.

_maybe I’ll spare you if  you make it easy for me!_

He gives you nightmares, howling darkness asleep and awake, gifts of fear and insomnia. He knows so many horrors and he’s sharing them all. You take pills, force yourself to sleep. Stan doesn’t know where Ford is anymore but you need him, he knows this, doesn’t he, this happened to him and he found a solution.

_you don’t have the guts, kid, you couldn’t do it, you’re going to let me through and all my friends will follow._

It’s sheer pressure, really, like he’s trying to just _force_ his way through. You have headaches all the time. You’re not sure the pills are good for you, you’re not sure anything’s working. You stay up awake all night because of him. You stay awake all night because you’re afraid.

He talks a lot. Chatty, sometimes. Threatening, sometimes. He tells you about the other side. He shows it to you. He presses his visions into your head, until your sight is so drowned out by the burning void beyond.

 _aren’t you tired? I’ll let you sleep, kid, as long as you want_.

All your senses overwhelmed, the crackle of static turning to screeching white noise. You see in neon, electric blue, yellow, yellow, yellow. You can’t think when he does that to you, you white out and don’t know how long it is until you come back and find yourself later curled up on the floor in some strange place. Your family is worried. Your family is trying to interfere, calling it ‘helping’.

_aren’t you tired? aren’t you tired? aren’t you tired?_

They’re not helping.

_you don’t have it in you_

There’s gold in your veins and he makes it boil. You try to pour it out, you peel back the layers of skin and it drips out, slow and heavy like honey. They stop you, they scream.

There’s laughter in your head.

_you’ll break sooner or later, shouldn’t there be something of you left?_

They pull at you, hold you, supress you, stop you. They won’t stop talking, shouting, screaming, it’s loud inside your head and out, it’s too much, it’s too much, it’s too much.

_you don’t care about anyone but yourself_

You force them to be quiet.

The laughter in your head gets louder.

_I’m impressed, kid, honestly_

Just say the word, he said. You won’t.

_what have you even got left to save now?_

Your mind is your own, it’s your own, it’s your own.

_you really sill think that?_

You go through your uncle’s notes, search for his solution, find it. A way to protect the thoughts. A way to keep demons out of your head. It’s so obvious now, and there are guides for everything, everything, things there shouldn’t be guides for.

_do you actually believe you can do it?_

You order it online, can’t stop touching it when it arrives, cool metal in your hand. You turn it over, measure it, think it’s a little large. You’ll grow into it.

_break_

It’s frightening to start with, but you don’t have any time to waste. You get a mirror, and a handful of painkillers, and a neat tray of sterilized tools. You pick up the first, cold and heavy in your hand. Your heartbeat’s irregular with fear but there’s screeching noise in your head, you feel his panic rattling your nerves and it’s a struggle to keep your hands steady, to push through it and do what you need to be done.

You make the first incision. Pain shoots through you, but not more than you can handle. You can do this.

_stop_

There’s too much blood, it’s slicking the handles of your tools, making them hard to hold, but you can’t exactly stop to clean them now. You do wipe the blood from your forehead, keeping it out of your eye. The pain is intense, but you just focus on your hands in the mirror, on the task, try to blot the rest out.

_STOP_

There’s screaming in your head, raw aching energy, pressure on every part of you. You won’t stop. You’re almost done. The plate sits heavy on your head, pulls at the skin when you try to fix yourself up again. It was too big; it hurts. Too bad.

_nonononononoNONONO_

It’s quiet.

A steady drip, but nothing else. No words, no screams. Your mind feels empty, hollow, deserted. You sink back down to a seat shakily, think about what you’ve done. Rap your knuckles on your skull, wince at the pain but hear the metal reverberations.  

You laugh.


End file.
